Well actually it’s not really an ode as I struggle to put any of my cheesey poetry out in the public arena, so lets call it a tribute rather. So it’s Fathers Day in most parts of the world although not all strangely enough as it falls on different days depending on where you are, not sure what this is based on but potentially the marketing plans of gift card companies? Due to this fact, my own dad usually gets a few happy fathers day messages per year depending on which hemisphere I am living in at the time and also how much I am paying attention to the details, which is usually not often!
Still aside from being a great excuse for hotels, restaurants and male grooming products to pimp their product it’s a good chance to remember how important dads are in the grand scheme of things. Family dynamics have changed dramatically since the days of the much revered nuclear family and you can just as well expect to find a dad as number one childminder/house husband as a mum, so I always find it a bit galling when TV adverts for household cleaning products, kids cereals, toys etc are still so specifically targeted at mums. I realise that mums may be in the majority when it comes to prime parenting roles but it doesn’t mean the dads should be sidelined.
My opinion on this may be coloured by my own experience as Ioan is a very active and hands on father to the Squigglet (above) and is way more clued up than I am in many areas, as he already has experience with his 13 year-old EJB who has turned to be a wonderful young lady. He is also the master chef in our household and does way more of the cooking than I do, although I am starting to make a slow come back in this arena and am already plotting chutney and baking projects for when we move to Cornwall next month. On top of all this, he is NOT sports TV obssessed, loves going for scenic walks with us whenever possible and is generally a pretty great guy to have around.
My own dad lives in New Zealand (where Fathers Day is in September) so I don’t get to see him very often, which makes me sad as he is a wonderfully interesting, compassionate and lovely human being. When we were kids dad always used to take us on Sunday drives to beautiful, historic or fun places stopping every 10 minutes for family photo opportunities or ice creams, those were simple happy times. He had a story about living in almost every small town in NZ, would always let me raid his spare change box (perhaps unbeknownest to him at times) and would buy lamingtons and louise cake from the nearby cake shop as a lunchtime treat. But above all that, he has always supported me and loved me no matter what seemingly random choices I made for my work or love-life. I hope the Squigglet gets the chance to know him well over the next few years cos her Grandad is pretty awesome.
So here’s to dads and all they do to love us. protect us and help us grow into the people we become. We love you!
I get it, I do, not everyone wants to go forth and multiply and many that do, find out its not quite what they expected. Parenthood brings a whole new level of responsibility to the table and that’s kind of a drag sometimes, but personally speaking I love, almost, every minute of it. However, there are some unexpected and kind of random issues that I have been musing on this week…..see if you can identify with any of these:
Is there wierd phenomenon gripping the land and baby perambulators are deemed the persona non grata of the pavements/shopping centres/any public space? Or perhaps its a special kind of blindness that people without kids have and therefore you are forced to play a game of chicken to see who will give way and swerve aside first? Buggy rage, it could happen to you. We live in a fairly small country town at the moment, so I usually observe this when we head to the big smoke and so I guess it could just be a case of more people = more aggro but actually even in quaint seaside resort towns, it appears common courtesy in fact common sense seems to be suspiciously absent.
The most recent examples rendered me speechless and actually amused in a way that anyone could be so ignorant and ridiculous. Yes I know that buggys are sometimes big and get in the way of your busy day and at times contain loudly crying children, but its not exactly a picnic for parents either you know……hauling them up and down stairs, onto buses, through crowds. Cue the middle-aged guy in the new Stratford Westfield (lets call him Wally), when faced with our buggy and another upon the elevator doors opening, does he do the sensible thing and wait for us to exit the lift first? Hell no, Wally decides that the best course of action would be to push into the lift and physically climb over both our buggys to secure himself a comfy spot at the back of the lift. Seriously? I have no idea what his deal was but I wish I’d had a video camera handy. Wierdo.
Something similar happened when I was out shopping in a large town closer to home this week where I was right at the glass double doors of a shop, literally the buggy wheel was pressing against the door and two boisterous women took no notice and actually barged inwards forcing me back and then sidestepped the buggy. I think I may be ranting a bit by now but I mean it kind of beggars belief! It makes me want to run rampant through the streets and plow into anyone not showing signs of at least attempting give way. Fact: its much easier for a person on foot to sidestep than a buggy to divert course onto the road into oncoming traffic! Nuff said.
Contrary to what this may sound like, I am not trying out for a job at Spearmint Rhino or Peter Stringfellows anytime soon although I’m sure the young ladies in those esteemed establishments do a good line in sparkly bits. If you’ve never heard the story about the mum that goes to the gynaecologist only to discover she’d had an intimate wash with a glitter covered facecloth belonging to her young daughter, you can read it here. Luckily I haven’t suffered that fate yet but Ioan was a little startled last week when I waltzed into the house last week with a glitter-covered chest. Unbeknownest to me I’d managed to collect it on my person during a particularly enthusiastic glue and glitter session at the local playgroup and had walked around town, gone to the supermarket and a few other stops bedecked in gold glitter. I did wonder why the checkout guy was being so attentive.
Pooh! In the Bath!
I don’t know why I was so shocked by this one quite frankly, kids pooh everywhere when they are babies and its not as if little people can help it, especially when its nice and warm and relaxing in the water, but there isn’t a chapter on it in any of the childrearing books I’ve come across. To be fair, its only happened a few times and we’ve tried to be very calm and nonchalant about it as Squigglet got a bit freaked out by her own by-products when she saw it floating menacingly towards her beloved bath toys. I just get in a quandry trying to figure out how to get the least amount of pooh on said child and toys whilst trying to extract them all at once.
Whoever said parenting wasn’t exciting!?
If you had told me 6 years ago that I would be living in rural mid Wales with an 18 month old daughter and the love of my life, I’m sure I would have had you sectioned for delusional behaviour. In those days I was more night club queen than a welly-wearing mama, squandering my disposable income on dining out, regular clothes shopping and overseas holidays.
It was a heady and undeniably enjoyable period of my life, I was lucky enough to live in some of the worlds biggest and most exciting cities including Sydney, Melbourne, Tokyo, Dubai and London but I also spent time in smaller, more rural settings in New Zealands South Westland and the mountain town of Minakami, Japan so I’ve had a pretty good overview of the pro’s and cons of both as a singleton, but with a family I now have a fresh perspective.
I’ve always felt very strongly about location, its part of my lifelong travel addiction to naturally gravitate towards places based on their lifestyle merits and not so much to do with practical things like jobs and infrastructure. This topic will mean different things in different parts of the world, as city and rural environments are so diverse. A small city in New Zealand for example, is probably not going to present the same issues as say Los Angeles or Bangkok and by the same token, the lifestyle in rural Nepal will be a far cry to that of countryside Wales, but I guess you never know!
Here’s my overview of both scenarios, let me know if you have any more to suggest!
CITY FAMILY LIFE
More choice: From healthcare providers to educational institutions – a huge range of services and products are on your doorstep which makes life more convenient in many ways
Entertainment abounds: From movie theatres to museums and specialised kids activities, parks and amusement centres – there will always be something new to do whatever day of the week so kids have no excuse to say they are bored!
Dining out is an option!: This may not seem inportant and actually is often a nightmare with young kids but for mums and dads it is a treat to have a choice of cuisines to choose from aside from the requisite Chinese, Indian and soggy fish and chips
Work is more abundant, at least for most industries: Being able to support a family is easier (on the surface anyway) and salaries are significantly higher
Weirdos everywhere: This seems to be more true for some cities than others but whenever I visit London at least, I am constantly aware of people acting very strangely all over the place, especially public transport and public parks…..these are the ones that you read about in the news for going beserk for no reason, its scary. Sure there are weirdos in the country as well but more often than not everyone knows who they are!
Negotiating buses, trains and ridiculous amounts of steps with buggys: I can’t stand the tube, especially when pregnant but even without the bump its not a pleasant experience being packed like sardines up against other commuters sweaty armpits in an muggy, airless underground box. Add a few kids to the equation and perhaps a baby buggy and it becomes a logistical nightmare. Buses are not much better. This isn’t so much of a problem in smaller cities where driving isn’t akin to the Bahrain Grand Prix and you can bundle the clan into a car (supposing you drive).
It’s bloomin expensive: Whilst you might get paid better in the city, most things cost way more as well so the benefits are kind of cancelled out. To buy or rent a decent flat/house you’ll either be paying throught the nose or living on the outskirts of the city anyway and spending longer commuting in the morning – worklife balance quicky goes out the window.
Crime: Ok I might be a bit of a nervous nellie about this one but its really just a numbers game, more people = more crime……yes it may never happen to me or mine but there’ve been enough close calls for me to consider this one of my most major deterrents to big city life.
Stress: I know this is present everywhere so not exactly the preserve of metropolis dwellers but I think there is an ambient level of stress involved in daily life in the big smoke, everyone is in a hurry, people start to blend into a faceless mass, there is a sense of aggression in the air, the noise, the pollution……
RURAL FAMILY LIFE
Space and pace!: Room to breath and fresher air to go with it, here a daily commute always involves greenery and less of the traffic jams (unless of course you are commuting into the city). The pace of life is slower, it’s not a cliche its true…..there is just not such a rush to get everything done all at once and kids can also have room to move and play.
People actually talk to each other, sometimes even strangers: Catching someones eye with a friendly smile is not perceived as a threat or challenge and you can usually presume the same in reverse. People take time to stop on the high street of rural towns and have a natter, albeit sometimes about the neighbours/local scandal etc etc but you get the idea, its a nice thing and I want my kids to have a relationship with the community they live in, not be afraid of it. I have to admit that in New Zealand even most of the cityfolk are pretty approachable and will often strike up random conversations over the bananas in New World and you’ll know their life story before you leave the shop, its an endearing quality of my countryfolk which I had all but forgotten before my recent trip home, at first I was pretty suspicious until I realised perhaps it was me being cynical.
Cost of living is more economical: What would you rather? 1 bedroom flat with no outdoor space in a bad area or a 3 bedroom barn conversion with an orchard just outside a market town? They can cost about the same unless of course you’re talking about posh country areas where city folk have second homes, or just mansions….then its extortionate but you get the idea…..generally living in the sticks, even if its a smaller city or small town is much cheaper for rent at least.
Peace of mind: The odd crazed gunman aside, generally there is less violent crime out in the wop wops (as we’d call it in NZ)……maybe its something to do with all that space and green, it just chills people out. Obviously there are still people to watch out for, especially around your children but the sense of closeknit community can help to reassure.
It’s beautiful: Sure, there are some magnificent cities out there with awesome architecture and sprawling parks but it can’t compete with the absolute serenity of the mountains blanketed in snow or a lush green forest in a quiet mossy valley. It feels as if these beautiful places impart a little of their special energy to all that live within their fold.
It can be hard to get into social circles: Whilst most people are very friendly, they have also likely known everyone else in the area since pre-school and can be a little wary of new-comers, especially from the city! Joining the Country Womens Institute isn’t going to be for everyone, especially if like me you don’t know your flans from your filigree frosting.
Finding work can be difficult: There is a much smaller job pool and not the same range of positions, if you are a farm hand, mechanic, teacher or medical professional then there are plenty of opportunities….but for others it can prove challenging especially if you don’t fancy working for minimum wage
Small town, small talk: It happens! Your business is generally not just YOUR business and everyone will have an opinion whether they express to you directly or not.
Shopping or getting supplies can be a mission: Often involving a lengthy drive to the next big town or city to stock up…..luckily internet shopping has been invented and as you don’t really get to window shop much, you don’t feel the need to buy all the shiny things in the window! So I guess thats a pro really!
I think the conclusion I have come to for myself, is that overall I prefer the country life……but would like to be close to or in a medium sized town that has some character and sense of place….oh and the some decent eateries and shops would be a bonus too!
What’s your take on this and can you add to the pros and cons above? How do they relate to where in the world you live?